How did this happen? One minute you’re in class, worried about who to take to the prom, the next you’re stuck in debt paying a mortgage you can’t afford.
That’s right, you’re an old person now, but fear not! So is Chris (and Dan, and BD), and this is his episode defending the aging process.
Hello ladies and Gentlemen! My name is Chris Taylor, and I am the Advocate of the Devil.
As time moves forever forward, one thing is painfully, undeniably clear: Time ONLY moves forward! There is no turning back, there are no re-do’s, take backs, or Time Machines.
MAN I wish Time Machines were a thing. First of all, that Delorean is Bad ASS. Secondly… I have an entirely too big game collection, and zero time to spend ON said games.
Right here, right now, you are as young as you’ll ever be, older than you’ve ever been! And now more so… and again! And while it would be easy to say “don’t waste your time”, we’ve already done an entire episode on exactly that!
So what is a waste of time? What constitutes a proper way of evaluating one’s life? And why, you may be but probably aren’t asking yourself, am I bringing this up now?
The fact is, if you’ve been keeping up with the program, I’m old. Far too old to be doing half of what I do. And there are plenty of times where I long for days gone by. For those times where I DID have time for gaming, where I had zero responsibilities, where I could literally just spend an afternoon listening to music really loudly in my room and hopefully not piss off my up or downstairs neighbours!
After all, the Youth of the nation are where the true power in our society lies… right?
…. Buuuuuut here’s the thing: As much as I bitch and moan about being an old geezer, I wouldn’t change a single thing about it, and today I’m going to tell you all why…. Reeeeeaaallly sloooooowllly.
There is one aspect of my personal life that there are times that I wished I had improved on. My education. I am a High School Graduate, and outside of a creative writing online course that I did while in the work force, I never went back to school.
That’s not to say I’m unintelligent, just slightly under educated. There is also a lot to be said about experience. There are many ways of learning things, and many different people can only really retain knowledge in certain ways. My way has always been to learn by doing.
The problem with being young, basically before the age of majority, is that there are certain things that are frowned upon. It’s illegal for a kid to buy smokes and alcohol. It should be incredibly difficult for a child to get ahold of a gun… well, depending on the country you’re in anyways.
The first thing a parent will tell their child is “wait until you’re older”. That’s my first point. As you GET older, those “wait” roadblocks all but disappear! You won’t need a fake ID to get into a bar… you can just be YOU!
With age comes the magic of experience! Over time, over many mistakes and figuring things out for yourself, you start retaining and remembering what you’ve been through. Most importantly, you start gravitating towards what does and doesn’t feel right. I’ll give you an example.
For a large chunk of time I drank. And drank. And made a complete Tom Fool of myself. After experiencing many a night of foggy brains and lack of intelligible conversation, I decided enough is enough, I’m done!
Now I drink for fun, not for numb.
By continuing to live and experience new things, you learn more about yourself, what you’re capable of, what you do and, equally importantly, what you DON’T want for yourself.
The trick to adulthood is a fact that I believe everyone knows, but few people fully understand: Nobody really knows what they’re doing! I don’t know what my future holds. I hardly know what I’m going to be doing five minutes from now, although it’ll probably be closing statements to this episode.
Your parents are just making shit up as they go along. From an outward perspective, what they perceive as guidance, to the younger folks seems like forcing you down a path that they want, and not what you may want. Or worse, trying to relive their glory days thanks to their own wasted youth!
The truth, however, is just a tad bit less pessimistic. They’re trying to help you not make the same mistakes that they made! At least some of the time. They’ve lived, they’ve had their time for themselves, have seen what does and doesn’t work for them… and are trying to give you people a little more time to at least make different mistakes!
The problem with time, and the older generation, is that you also have a tendency to get stuck in your ways. Your own habits and routines. It’s why there are certain things that, perhaps should have changed by now that haven’t. It’s one of the few downsides to the old age thing: Not wanting to change.
Here’s the thing: Change is scary, but it can also be a very good thing. We used to have horse drawn carriages, now we have cars. Women and black people couldn’t vote. Now they can. Things changing doesn’t have to be a bad thing!
Time inescapably moves forwards, and the people of our generation will soon be acting like our grandparents, talking about how they don’t understand technology, and how things were so much better “back in my day”.
Nowadays when we see an older person complain, or use casual racism in all its ignorant, tactless glory, we don’t see someone who is a bad person: We see a relic that time forgot, someone who never fully grew past the social norms of their age.
… And that right there is my final point! When you get old, you don’t need excuses, people make them for you!
When you walk into a crowd of your younger familial offsprings, smelling like an adult diaper, they don’t shy away! They just say “hey gram gram, is everything feeling okay?”, and let you stink up the joint!
When grandpa walks down to the basement without wearing any pants, we don’t think he’s a paedophile: We just think he’s old, and senile, and forgot to wear pants! Because of alzheimers!
… I mean, I hope it’s just a brain disease that we as a society look down on, and not a harsh truth of what they really are…
The point is, when you reach those legendary golden years, you have no more worries! You can stay up as late as you want, or go to bed as early as you want! You’re past the age of criticism!
Plus, bonus points for never having to go to a job you hate! Never having to listen to the opinions of your parents who always sound like they know everything! You know the truth… they don’t! They were just as lost as you were… or are!
When the grandkids come over (assuming you have children, it’s okay one way or another and don’t let any one else tell you differently), you can spoil them rotten! And you know what your kids are going to say to you about THEIR kids?
NOTHING! BECAUSE YOU’RE OLD!!
…. God I hope I remember this when I actually get to that age…
Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, I do hope I managed to shed some light into the positive aspects of senior citizenship. Whether it be in the knowledge that nobody really knows anything, or the freedom to do every stupid mistake your little heart desires, getting older doesn’t have to be a scary proposition in the slightest!
And when you finally do reach that time that we all must transition into, don’t forget these final words of wisdom: Spoil your kids kids, and not your underwear!
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But for now, in the case of Getting Older… The Defense Rests!
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