Hello ladies and gentlemen, my name is Chris Taylor, and I am the Advocate of the Devil.
Oh the weather outside is frightful. But the fires of hell are delightful. With this song I’ve got nowhere to go. Now there’s snow, now there’s snow, now there’s snow!
That, oh wonderful peeps out there, was a call back to something I used to do when I was younger. Bastardize music. Specifically Christmas Carols. It was High School, I was trying my hand at being funny… and I was incredibly sexually frustrated. A lot of those songs involved that, and it wasn’t pretty.
BUT, with the cold weather rolling in, I’m reminded of those times. When I was younger, I hated absolutely EVERYTHING, and that includes the coldest season. Doubly so since in French Canada, Winter lasts until damn near the middle of May!
There are a ton of problems too. It’s too cold, the Christmas carols start too early. You need to shop and of course the lineups are HUGE!
I’m a public transit guy, but to you drivers, you’ve gotta wait until the snow gets plowed, you need to pay extra to get your tires switched out for one’s that can handle the damn weather. And everything on the planet seems to be Red and Green like there’s no other colors that exist!
…. Buuuuut here’s the thing. I like Winter. I LOVE this time of year. And for the next little while, I’m going to explain why.
I can understand people who prefer the summer time. The sun’s out all the time, you have an excellent excuse to go to the beach and wear next to nothing. Ice cream and popsicles and bike rides! There’s a tremendous amount of positive in the warmer months.
But you can’t get the kind of majestic scenery in the heat that you can right now. Well, unless you live in like Antarctica or the Territories or something… I may have failed Geography…
But pretty! Outside is pretty right now! The way the snow coats the tree branches. The way there are those huge mountains of snow that are just begging to be slid down! Grab a sled, or hell, just go as you are! Let your inner child run the joint for a little bit!
In Canada, the national sport is obvious. Curling! And yet the one we’re known for is Hockey. Go figure. In the warmer months, we block out a section of the street, set up a couple of nets, grab a bunch of sticks and… shoot too hard and lose the ball, or have to constantly move the nets aside because cars want to drive for some strange reason.
But in the winter, there’s Ice every which way! A good chunk of the basketball courts that are set up get broken down and in its place, a Hockey rink gets erected!
… sorry, I’m a child. Moving on.
If you’re like me and sports aren’t even remotely interesting, there’s still plenty of activities that get set up. Igloo fests and fort building! You can build a snowman..
NO! No, that is… NO. Stupid ass olaf.
Fans of this show will no doubt remember another episode we’ve done here about Laziness. The major, TRUE inspiration behind that episode is actually this season. It’s freaking COLD outside! So what better excuse to stay INSIDE!
We have so many tools to aid us in this! You can sit all cozy by a fireplace and read your favorite book! You can wrap yourself in a warm, comforting blanky on the couch and binge watch Netflix shows until your eyes bleed.
You can even swipe on your cell phone, turn on the Youtube App, and stream every single episode of The Devil’s Advocate, The Devil’s in the Details, and our short lived but still entertaining video game streaming show Couch Co-Op!
The point is GAMING! ALL THE GAMING…. *ahem*, The Point is, it’s cold, you don’t want to go outside. But if you absolutely must, just remember to bundle up.
The thing with Summer is, it gets entirely too hot! There’s only so many clothes you can take off without getting arrested, or at least heavily fined for indecent exposure! You don’t want to have to spend time locked up, do you? Or spend more money than you have to?
But in the winter, when the temperatures drop below sea level, you can just keep putting clothes on! And all those extra layers are going to help you keep snug as a bug even when the bugs retreat the outside world.
And finally, all this talk about winter has reminded me of one other thing. *points to the part of the screen where the pictures usually are* Happy Holidays!
The winter months are the time when all the Gift giving holidays are. Christmas, Hannukah. You get Thanksgiving for a massive meal, and an opportunity to say thank you for being alive!
There are many, MANY good feelings to be had for this, but the one I’ve always liked is the feeling of giving. To see that look of joy in someone’s eyes as you give them their present, or presentsss, and to know that you got them exactly what they wanted!
Or even better… Time. See regardless of what religion you follow, a lot of places like Schools and most Customer Service jobs will have required time off around this time. Time that you can spend relaxing, sure, OR time that you can spend with your loved ones!
Everyone’s lives get swamped with work and stress, and this is the perfect time to spend with all those people in your life that have helped you along the way, to show your appreciation to them for who they are, and what they’ve done for you. Support is a bridge that connects two places, and sometimes those places are people.
And if that’s not enough, if you’re a scrooge or a grinch or… some other third thing that I can’t think of right now, then these very same holidays are usually when other people give things to you too! That game that you want but can’t afford because you have bills and food and like not living on the street, some kind soul might find it in their hearts to purchase it for you.
That movie that you’ve been eye balling, or that book shelf that you need so that your massive collection of games and DVD’s can be displayed properly instead of being doubled up so that you spend entirely too much time searching for the one thing you want to watch or that one game you want to play or that one book you want to read or…..
…. Okay. This got a little too real. Can we get a cut here please Dan?
Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary I do hope I managed to shed some light into the delightful wonderland of Winter. Whether it be in the breathtaking scenary around you, the fun and games to be had, or just the fact that it gives you an excellent excuse to be lethargic, Winter is the one time of year that, while different nearly everywhere, is also nearly the same everywhere.
And if it’s not the mood of the outdoors or the warmth of the indoors that get you, maybe it’s your friends… that get you the latest gadgets and doo dads during your Happy Holiday of choice.
As always don’t forget to hit that subscribe button to keep up with everything we do here at Devious Advocacy, and click the link in the description to follow us around on Discord. We don’t bite… I mean, unless you’re into that kinda thing.
Big Ups to the gift that keeps on giving, and by that I mean our Patrons. This script was a doozy and I’m sure there are some bloopers that our Editor can piece together out of me trying to get through it all.
But most importantly, let your voice be heard in the comments section. Do you have a happy memory of this time of year? Maybe a tradition that you’ve kept going for as long as you remember? Or maybe you just hate all things cold and icy. By all means, let your own views clash with my own… so that I may proceed to prove you wrong.
But for now, in the case of Winter… The Defense Rests.
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